On The Front Line

 There are so many things that take people places; the obvious being cars, boats, planes, bicycles, motorcycles. Then there are the things that take people places that aren’t tangible; music, art, poetry, the stars. Then there is the most important one, our mind. 

I can’t emphasize how important mental strength is. I have always had mental strength in most areas, but other areas, geez, it was non existent. Knowing now why I moved around so much, well, it’s been an eye opener. 

Having cancer is a mental game. You get physically crushed in more ways than you can imagine, but the mental game still prevails. Doctors didn’t tell me to keep my mind strong, even just living through life mental strength isn’t given a workout routine like it should be. No matter what happens, our minds will get us out of the problem if we tell ourselves we are stronger than the problem. Sounds so simple, but it absolutely is not.

I use to think about writing so many times throughout every day, but wouldn’t do it! The internal struggle of dissatisfaction with myself was so real. There have always been three voices of reason in my head when it comes to writing; one says “No one cares what you have to say” or “It will never be picked up for a book anyway.” Another says “Pilar, write for yourself at any time!” or “Only one person needs to love it for the possibility of greatness!” And the third one says “Eh, just write tomorrow” or “You have time to do it later.” The reasoning trifecta would become so overwhelming that I just become stagnant, like a non flowing river where wildlife is just dying. Morbid right? Well, that’s how my mental and spiritual self ends up feeling when fear is owning me. 

Fear is part of life, everyone has experienced fear in some way. However, fear cannot win. It can’t be stronger, if it is, it will swallow you whole. I don’t know why, but I was not afraid going into chemotherapy. My mindset was it is what it is, I have signed up for battle, suit me up and put me on the front line. And with that, my mindset has forever changed.